Following the Heart

A week ago today I signed the lease to my own apartment. It will be the first time I will be living alone. For the most part, besides my two furry roommates. I'd love to say it wasn't an easy decision, but in the end it was. There isn't one reason for why after two years of living with Christopher I've decided to branch out on my own, there are many. Around the time I'll be taking those baby steps to my own independence, we would have been celebrating our 6th year together.

He has been the best roommate I've ever had, and one of my best friends. There are parts of us that have just never seemed to come full circle. I know he is a great man, not just a good man but a fantastic man with a lot of care in his heart for me and my family. Maybe part of it is watching my two best friends get married to their better halves and just knowing how insanely right they are for each other, and doubting if me and Chris have the same rightness. I'm not sure.

We have had good talks and bad talks about all of this. We haven't decided if we are going to end our relationship though. I only know that I always want him in my life, I just don't know in what capacity. I would love to stay best of friends, but he says he would always want more. I love him and none of this has been easy. In the end, I've decided to follow my heart through the storm and hope to find a rainbow on the other side, for both of us.

The absence could make the heart grow fonder, who knows. I surely do not. In a years time though, I will.